Yes, I'm single and I wrote a book on the perfect relationship...
May 15, 2014
Someone asked me, "how is it you're single and write about dating and relationships? What could you possibly tell me if you don't have someone yourself?" It wasn't the first time that question has surfaced.
To answer the query... I don't write about how happy being in a relationship is or how I FOUND someone. I write based on what I've learned from two failed relationships. Things I did wrong, things that were done wrong to me. That we shouldn't settle just to have someone, etc....
I NEVER saw myself being the kind of person to want to be in a relationship or be married. That's not what I wanted for my life. I saw myself being a single, independent and successful woman, not needing a man for anything, and not wanting one either. I did, however, end up in two relationships prior to the writing of PPDBG. I had to be negotiated into the idea in both relationships I experienced. Both of them failed miserably, and reminded me why I never wanted one in the first place. While being single, I started having feelings I couldn't really label. They were all over the place. I had regret for having allowed myself to experience the beauty of loving someone and being loved in return because both times failed. I was angry because I desired that kind of love again, but I didn't want to desire that. I wanted to go back to KNOWING I didn't want a relationship, didn't want a man, or need a man...Miss Independent Woman.. ya da ya da. But having been exposed to it, it wasn't like I could forget it felt amazing. So then I was sad. Sad, not because I experienced love, but because I experienced it with the wrong people. And for a period of time, my mind started replaying all the times God tried to warn me against those relationships. I started remembering how he gave me signs and tried to spare me from the hurt I felt when they ended. I told myself, I would never allow myself to be with anyone else God didn't desire for me to be with.
Dating was never something I had a desire to do, but after the failures of two relationships I realized I didn't want to waste time on anyone that I wasn't meant to end up with. And as much as my friends and other people would tell me to get out there and date. I didn't feel there was a point aimlessly dating to waste time.I wanted to wait on God.
As time passed, I watched others get into relationships, date and seemingly be happy; while I was single and waiting on God. After nearly two years, I started wondering if maybe I was wrong for my belief. One night, I fell asleep thinking about it all, then God woke me up and told me there was nothing wrong with what I believed. He just started telling me a lot, and it was kind of like he was giving me reasurrance.
So I wrote PPDBG, as a form of catharsis; and in hopes that it would remind myself and others to have purpose when it comes to dating and matters of the heart. ..